My Story
Here’s what you’ll find at Project Butterflies:
I tell my story because when it happened to me I was 12, and I was convinced that such a terrible ordeal could not happen to anyone else. Because of that, I decided not to tell anybody. I didn’t tell my family because I didn’t want to embarrass them, or worry them. So instead I kept it a secret and allowed it to eat away at me. Here you will find a brief bio and a look back at my own childhood sexual assault experience.
You’re not alone: one of the toughest things for me to comprehend was that I was not the only person to be sexually assaulted as a child, and sadly, not the last. For years, I believed I was. I couldn’t imagine anyone else going through this horrific experience. My blog delves into the inner emotions and feelings that come with experiencing a trigger, the fears of contemplating whether to report the man who assaulted me all those years ago, how I experience trauma as an adult because of my experience as a child, what it was like for me to disclose for the first time, and how one experience shaped my life.
From the Pros: I am a journalist by profession. I have an innate curiosity about the world around me. This is a section where you can find interviews I conduct with professionals who work in the area of sexual abuse... therapists, psychologists, doctors, lawyers, police officers, etc., who study and deal with these cases on a day to day basis. I am only an expert in my own life experience, but these individuals provide insight into a shared experience we all have. Each interview is transcribed and ends with 5 tips for survivors and their support network.
Where to go: this section provides resources for people who live in Toronto and York Region. (I am working on getting resources for Durham Region and Peel Region.) Although the resource list may be limited to the GTA, the rest of the site applies to survivors and their support network anywhere in the world.
Your Space: One of the most empowering things I’ve ever done, and the start of my healing process, was speak at an event for YRAP. York Region Abuse Program provides services for children and adults who were sexually abused as children. I was asked to emcee the event... and it was at that event in February 2008 that I spoke in front of a large crowd and said, “I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.” That moment was so important for me. In this section I want to give you the opportunity to share your story. A lot of people shy away from speaking about sexual abuse because it is not a “pleasant” topic. But that’s precisely why we MUST begin a dialogue. It is not pleasant. And it is happening to children everywhere. And it’s happening now.
The statistics vary. One source says 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 5 boys will experience some form of sexual abuse before the age of 16. Another source says 3 in 5 girls, 1 or 2 in 5 boys will experience some form of sexual abuse before they become an adult. Regardless of the numbers, I believe even one child is too much. I believe that one way to stop this cycle is by arming ourselves and our children with knowledge and information.
Why Project Butterflies? Butterflies have always had a special meaning for me. They’re free, they’re graceful, they’re beautiful. But they EVOLVE into this state of existence. And that’s how I see my healing process; an evolution into something new.
And there’s another butterfly story... my father passed away before I met my partner. Several months after we began dating, we visited my father’s plot at the cemetery. It was a cool day. All of a sudden we noticed a butterfly... then another and another. We walked over to a bench and sat down. And the group of butterflies followed us. We thought it was interesting considering I love butterflies. The next day Omar, who’s a journalist as well, was sitting at his news truck, writing. He looked up for a moment and on the windshield was a butterfly. We saw it as a sign of his blessing.
I hope you find the information in these pages helpful. I know it takes a lot of courage and guts to face this issue and I am proud of you.
